Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize