I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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