Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
