Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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