GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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