Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
