I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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