nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
