Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
