I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
