false alarm. still invincible.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
