That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
