The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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