I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
