Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
