But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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