Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
