Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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