I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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