Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
