I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he thought i was a dude.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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