dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
