she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
