i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
