I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize