Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
