I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
