Is it because I queefed?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
