im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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