my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
