he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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