You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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