after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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