I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize