I'm so fucking centered right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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