Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
