So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
