He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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