How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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