I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
