we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
