coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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