the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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