She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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