Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
