I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
