Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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