I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
