but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize