Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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