i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
