Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
