You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
