So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
