I just made out with a guy for $7.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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