Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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