I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
