He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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