In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
