drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
