I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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