I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize