Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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