So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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