You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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