You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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