I want to make a zoo with you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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