Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
