Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
