I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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