Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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