Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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