I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
