man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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