I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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