you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
