My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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