Me too!
i just google imaged poop.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
