Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
love makes seman taste better
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
