I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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