you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
