dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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