I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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