I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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