I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
