the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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