I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
