fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
