Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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