he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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