I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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