Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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