Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
