just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
