I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
